Communicating with Candor
"Candor is a compliment; it implies equality. It's how two friends talk." -Peggy Noonan
Do you ever look back on your conversations with others, analyzing the words used? Trying to figure out all of the possible interpretations, all of the different things the other person might have meant or ways they may have understood what you were trying to say?
Isn't it all just a little ridiculous?
It saddens me to know that we have come to a point as a society where people now have to weigh every word with three times more effort than the sentiments they are expressing for fear of being misunderstood and hated. I truly believe we should be able to get to know a person well enough to know the messages they are trying to convey and how they fit between the words that are being chosen. If we put forth just a little more effort to truly get to know the people in our lives, I believe we could greatly reduce the frequency of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I sincerely believe the only way to do this is to start speaking with more candor and encouraging the same of others. Too often, I have spoken to a man only to get the sense that he felt he was walking on thin ice, thinking that there was a double agenda to my words, thinking he had somehow offended me because the women he was used to talking to had conditioned him into expecting games. (This is merely an example, I am not stating that women are the only ones who play games, I know more than a few men who have done the same.)
Isn't it time we put an end to the "If you don't know, I'm not telling you." mentality of our interactions?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if we knew where we stood with everyone because honesty and straightforwardness were the default settings?
Wouldn't it be easier if instead of wondering if so-and-so liked you, you could just ask, and know? Wouldn't it be better to know than to be inadvertently lead on in some long guessing game? Wouldn't it be nice to know if so-and-so was mad at you and why, instead of walking on egg shells for days on end?
Personally, I think this would be a much better alternative to games of deceit and manipulation but I also know that the only way to encourage this from others is to first provide it for others.
"I would rather be damned by my honesty, than caged by my lies." -Omega Maverick
Sure, if someone admits they are interested in you, telling them the feeling is not mutual won't exactly lead to a smile, but it will prevent them from feeling like they have wasted their time or been lead on. Much kinder instead to be forthright and let them make the decision on whether they can handle friendship or would be better off removing themselves for a while.
Sure, telling someone that you are upset with them may lead to confrontation, perhaps even an argument, but at least then they will have a better understanding of you as a person, of what makes you tick, of what hurts and upsets you, and why. Much easier to avoid a repeat situation if they know what buttons can be pressed and which ones to cordon off with caution tape.
Let people know where you stand, get to know where others stand, only then will we be able to stop wondering, to stop dealing with the mine field of mind games.
I don't know about you, but I am always much happier when I'm not wasting time guessing.
"Yet better thus, and known to be contemned, than still contemned and flattered." - Shakespeare (King Lear Act 4, Scene 1)
Isn't it all just a little ridiculous?
It saddens me to know that we have come to a point as a society where people now have to weigh every word with three times more effort than the sentiments they are expressing for fear of being misunderstood and hated. I truly believe we should be able to get to know a person well enough to know the messages they are trying to convey and how they fit between the words that are being chosen. If we put forth just a little more effort to truly get to know the people in our lives, I believe we could greatly reduce the frequency of misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
I sincerely believe the only way to do this is to start speaking with more candor and encouraging the same of others. Too often, I have spoken to a man only to get the sense that he felt he was walking on thin ice, thinking that there was a double agenda to my words, thinking he had somehow offended me because the women he was used to talking to had conditioned him into expecting games. (This is merely an example, I am not stating that women are the only ones who play games, I know more than a few men who have done the same.)
Isn't it time we put an end to the "If you don't know, I'm not telling you." mentality of our interactions?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if we knew where we stood with everyone because honesty and straightforwardness were the default settings?
Wouldn't it be easier if instead of wondering if so-and-so liked you, you could just ask, and know? Wouldn't it be better to know than to be inadvertently lead on in some long guessing game? Wouldn't it be nice to know if so-and-so was mad at you and why, instead of walking on egg shells for days on end?
Personally, I think this would be a much better alternative to games of deceit and manipulation but I also know that the only way to encourage this from others is to first provide it for others.
"I would rather be damned by my honesty, than caged by my lies." -Omega Maverick
Sure, if someone admits they are interested in you, telling them the feeling is not mutual won't exactly lead to a smile, but it will prevent them from feeling like they have wasted their time or been lead on. Much kinder instead to be forthright and let them make the decision on whether they can handle friendship or would be better off removing themselves for a while.
Sure, telling someone that you are upset with them may lead to confrontation, perhaps even an argument, but at least then they will have a better understanding of you as a person, of what makes you tick, of what hurts and upsets you, and why. Much easier to avoid a repeat situation if they know what buttons can be pressed and which ones to cordon off with caution tape.
Let people know where you stand, get to know where others stand, only then will we be able to stop wondering, to stop dealing with the mine field of mind games.
I don't know about you, but I am always much happier when I'm not wasting time guessing.
"Yet better thus, and known to be contemned, than still contemned and flattered." - Shakespeare (King Lear Act 4, Scene 1)
Do you have any scenarios that come to mind of someone being candid with you that have proven to be the preferred outcome? Any situations where you have chosen to be candid with others rather than keeping your opinion to yourself that have resulted beneficially? Any current circumstances that have you wondering if proceeding with candor is your best option? As always, I invite you to email or comment below.
Keep it real Ramblers!
Keep it real Ramblers!
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
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