A Bra Among Bros

So if you’re like me, you probably tend to hang around guys more than you do girls.  Contrary to what other girls may think, this has nothing to do with being promiscuous or trying to pick up. Alright, for some of you it might be, and in such cases have fun.  Honestly who am I to judge, it’s your body and your decision to do with it as you please.  This is the twenty first century and the double standard of guys being labeled heroes while girls are being labeled as sluts is a concept that really does need to be fed to a pool of starving piranhas. Destroy the mindset.  Everyone is human, everyone has needs, and if everyone involved is of age and it isn’t hurting anyone… why should it be anyone else’s business?

Back on point, guys are usually just easier to get along with (Though there are always a small group of female exceptions).  The conversations are more often than not less dramatic, the friendships are easier to maintain, and you have less necessity to become the next Carnac the Magnificent.  You don’t have to worry about what you’re saying because chances are the guys you’re shooting the shit with are far less likely to get offended by the subject matter and will simply ask you to explain.  Not to mention, the hormones are a little more predictable. 

With guys, a hormone increase will pretty well either lead to ‘want to bang’ or ‘want to punch’.  If the former, it is as easy to deal with as saying yes, no, or goodbye. With the latter, it is usually a case of backing up and giving them space, they’ll settle it themselves.  With girls however….you’re looking at a game of gossip chess, on a mine field of trigger words, where pawns can be switched out for mind games, and a Queens move on the board is ‘If you don’t know then I’m not telling you’. Oh, and did I mention that while you are playing this particularly disturbing game of chess, you are simultaneously playing Russian roulette emotion edition? In this exciting twist you have no idea when you’ll have to dodge a bullet, let alone if it will be a .50 Caliber of yelling and throwing or a 12 Gauge cry fest.  Quite exhausting if you ask me.

Now of course, nothing is perfect and there are drawbacks to every system.  There are some facts that you must accept.  Though you do get along with the guys and they don’t generally tend to treat you any differently, perhaps even refer to you as ‘one of the guys’, the truth of the matter is that you my friend, have lady bits.  Catch number one, you may have to deal with the simple truth that hearts are not logic abiding.  Friendships get complicated. You might have to deal with risking what you have for what you really want when your heart inevitably decides that one of your awesome guys friends is just a little too awesome to be your guy friend. Catch number two, jealous girlfriends…. Ah the fun begins.

In her eyes, you are the number one threat. You are the iceberg and their relationship is the Titanic. You and her boyfriend may have no romantic inclinations toward one another but to her, you know him better, he talks about you, he turns to you with his problems, and you have a foreign dynamic with him where boundaries are practically non-existent leaving you able to joke about nearly anything. If you also happen to be somewhat attractive, you might as well put on a helmet and take cover.  If you are unfortunate enough to qualify as ‘hot’, do yourself a favor and join the witness protection program because chances are, she will have it out for you.

Now, maybe you will be lucky and the new girlfriend will be among those few awesome chicks that just get it.  That respect that your friendship is nothing more than friendship, and are secure enough in themselves to know that their guy chose them for a reason. If not, tread lightly and come up with a game plan. Don’t be afraid of asking your buddy about her and voicing any concerns you may have.  After all, forewarned is forearmed.  As a bro with fun bags, you may have a better understanding of jealous women than your buddies do.  Allow yourself to explain perspectives and lay down some ground rules if you feel you are facing the possibility of a jealous girlfriend.  You don’t want to interfere with your buddy’s possible happiness but let’s face it; you don’t want to lose his friendship either.  

He’s the bro that keeps you grounded and offers you insight, you’re the bra that helps him understand the female perspective and listens to things he might not be so forthcoming to share with his other buddies. If you want to keep him around, you have to accept that you are not truly one of the guys unless you are one of the Guys. You are however the girl they choose to allow into their circle, the girl they treat as an equal …as in equal part respect, equal part bugging and teasing.

So if you’re like me, enjoy life because you have the best social circle a girl could ever ask for but be aware of the reality of your position in the life of your buddies, and never neglect that communication lest you forget the power and dangers that come with being ‘one of the guys’.

Cheers!

The Bra Street Rambler