Understanding Women: sorry girls, secrets out!

Let’s face it, girls are an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, drowned in an explosive tankard of emotions. Try as a guy might, there’s just no way to truly understand why a girl does what she does. Why is her face leaking water? Did you break her? Is she leaking because she is happy, or sad? Why does she say one thing and then change her mind? Why does she yammer on about her problems but get angry when I try to help?


Want to understand girls better? You can’t. Why? I’m sorry to break it to you but it’s because we can’t even understand ourselves most days, let alone explain ourselves to you. When we finally think we have ourselves figured out, we’re wrong. The truth is that we are constantly trying to figure ourselves out and just trying to deal with our own emotions. Our hormones are causing us to cry, be irritable, and get angry. More often than not, we don’t even know what we are sad or mad about! Then we are stuck spending an hour trying to figure it out! 

Our minds are going off on a gazillion tangents regarding what you just said even after you’ve walked away. We are constantly looking back at everything someone said and did, remembering things that we had not noticed while we were talking to them. We are constantly trying to figure out what they meant by this and that, how we reacted, and how it affects us. Why? We just can’t help it. It’s stupid, we know it, logically we should be able to change it, but emotions are seldom logical.  

When it’s not emotions causing us to over think, it’s habit. I sincerely apologize to all those men out there who say exactly what they mean and still have the girls in their lives trying to use a decoder ring on them. We are used to dealing with other girls, and we are used to trying to deal with ourselves. Words we choose have very different meanings when we use them, the girls we are used to dealing with play games. When you say you are fine and we do not believe it, it is because when we, or other girls, say we are fine it soooo isn’t the case. Stupid? Hell yes! Alas, that’s just how it is. 

But she was different when I met her, logical, rational, what changed? Emotions. Something slipped in, tied up rationale, and invited all of its stupid little friends over for party. Sorry bud, your girl is now infested with female mind.  

So, what can you do about it? Ask questions. When you are curious about something, say as much. Ask her to clarify, but do so with sincerity and an open mind, not out of frustration or anger. If she feels she is being challenged, she will get upset with you just because your words happened to come out the wrong way. She will get upset with herself for not knowing the answers. She will then get upset with you because your question has led her to feel frustrated with herself. Projection anger Is a thing. An evil, ugly, dreadful thing.  

If you succeed in posing your questions with the right note of open mindedness and a willingness to try and understand, she will be more open minded about the words you use so you have to worry less about carefully choosing and sugar coating each individual word. It is possible she will slowly begin to accept this direct communication as the norm instead of the games she is used to. She in turn may even begin asking more questions with the hope of better understanding you thus allowing her to more easily accept that your words do not carry the same double meaning as those coming from others in her life. 

Girls, the same is the case for you. Don’t be afraid to ask to understand. Most guys are more than willing to explain provided you do not give them reason to believe you will judge them for it. If you ask a question, do not get upset with them for answering. This will only lead to them shutting themselves off. After all, why open up to someone if they’re just going to get upset with you for it? If that is going to be the case, much easier for them to just tell you what you want to hear or avoid answering at all. (I'll explore this more in a future post) By judging a person for giving an honest answer, you are only creating the very situation you were paranoid about and causing the games you have grown so very accustomed to. Not exactly beneficial to anyone is it? 

So there you have it. Guys, you’ll never fully understand women, and women will probably never fully understand you. However, if we can open the lines of communication with the sincere goal of understanding each other as individuals rather than gender groups, we stand a chance at getting closer to the truth of gender thinking than we’ve ever been before.

Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler

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