Recharging Your Social
If you're an introvert, you know what it's like to be peopled-out. While I am one of those few people who is evenly distributed between being an introvert and an extrovert, I often find that working in public service results in a higher need for me to set hanging out with friends aside in order to recharge my social batteries.
Extroverts sometimes have difficulty understanding this need as they try to present the fact that they are low maintenance/really easy going, or just want to do something relaxing together. In their mind, watching a movie with them is no different than watching a movie alone as there would be little communication going on anyway. While it is true that some people are easier to be around in certain moods, sometimes a need to recharge means a need to be completely alone with yourself for a while.
For an introvert, or someone with introvert tendencies, being tired doesn't always mean you are sleepy, it means you are emotionally drained in the sense that you are too tired to be aware of another individual.
It is the difference between hanging out doing nothing with someone, and being alone without reading social cues, without being a host offering a drink/food/blanket, without any kind of talking or trying to figure out what someone is thinking. Heck, it's even the difference between having to wear pants or not. While someone might tell you hanging out with them means you don't have to do any of those things, you still do them without a second thought. Sometimes when someone is there beside you, you are aware of them being there and what that entails, even without consciously thinking about it.
And it's all of that sub-conscious analyzing and being physically and mentally present that further exhausts you.
Unfortunately, this is something many of my friends have been coming to learn about me since beginning my new job. To those who are more acquainted with my extrovert half that adores being surrounded with people and spreading her social-butterfly wings, turning down plans to go out dancing or to enjoy a nice sushi lunch is simply unheard of.
So how does an introvert, or an ambivert such as myself for that matter, recharge without neglecting their friends?
Well, as I always say in these blog posts, communication plays a big role. Let friends and family know when you need to recharge and assure them that you will let them know when you are up for socializing but don't make false promises. Don't promise you will make time for them next Saturday if there's a chance you will be too tired after a long week of work, take note of your patterns and factor in this knowledge of yourself when trying to make plans.
For example, over the past few weeks I have noticed that weeknights I am quite tired and Saturday's are hit or miss. If I focus on recharging on week evenings and Saturday mornings, than I am usually back to extrovert mode come Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. That being said, this is simply what I am observing of myself. This is not necessarily the case for other ambiverts, and a lot less likely to be the case for an introvert.
If your friends are used to seeing you as an extrovert, some may also require you to reassure them that you are not upset with them in any way but that you are simply tired. If possible, try to check in with them now and again. Even if you aren't making plans, it's still nice for them to know that you're still there and you still care even if you are too tired to be social. Again, don't make plans you aren't sure of keeping or it may appear to your friends as though you are bailing because you never really cared about the plans to begin with. Be transparent with your plans, explain that you may end up being tired but that you will try to make time, don't be afraid to offer suggestions for plans that will be easier for you to cope with. If you think you can stay in and have dinner with them, suggest that. If you think there is a chance you might find energy to go out dancing let them know so they can pack an 'in case' bag accordingly.
If your friends are truly your friends, they will understand. Or at the very least, they will want to understand by having you explain.
So be true to your non-socializing needs, to your recharging, and to your knowledge of self. After all, no one can expect you to be the energizer bunny.
For an introvert, or someone with introvert tendencies, being tired doesn't always mean you are sleepy, it means you are emotionally drained in the sense that you are too tired to be aware of another individual.
It is the difference between hanging out doing nothing with someone, and being alone without reading social cues, without being a host offering a drink/food/blanket, without any kind of talking or trying to figure out what someone is thinking. Heck, it's even the difference between having to wear pants or not. While someone might tell you hanging out with them means you don't have to do any of those things, you still do them without a second thought. Sometimes when someone is there beside you, you are aware of them being there and what that entails, even without consciously thinking about it.
And it's all of that sub-conscious analyzing and being physically and mentally present that further exhausts you.
Unfortunately, this is something many of my friends have been coming to learn about me since beginning my new job. To those who are more acquainted with my extrovert half that adores being surrounded with people and spreading her social-butterfly wings, turning down plans to go out dancing or to enjoy a nice sushi lunch is simply unheard of.
So how does an introvert, or an ambivert such as myself for that matter, recharge without neglecting their friends?
Well, as I always say in these blog posts, communication plays a big role. Let friends and family know when you need to recharge and assure them that you will let them know when you are up for socializing but don't make false promises. Don't promise you will make time for them next Saturday if there's a chance you will be too tired after a long week of work, take note of your patterns and factor in this knowledge of yourself when trying to make plans.
For example, over the past few weeks I have noticed that weeknights I am quite tired and Saturday's are hit or miss. If I focus on recharging on week evenings and Saturday mornings, than I am usually back to extrovert mode come Saturday night and Sunday afternoon. That being said, this is simply what I am observing of myself. This is not necessarily the case for other ambiverts, and a lot less likely to be the case for an introvert.
If your friends are used to seeing you as an extrovert, some may also require you to reassure them that you are not upset with them in any way but that you are simply tired. If possible, try to check in with them now and again. Even if you aren't making plans, it's still nice for them to know that you're still there and you still care even if you are too tired to be social. Again, don't make plans you aren't sure of keeping or it may appear to your friends as though you are bailing because you never really cared about the plans to begin with. Be transparent with your plans, explain that you may end up being tired but that you will try to make time, don't be afraid to offer suggestions for plans that will be easier for you to cope with. If you think you can stay in and have dinner with them, suggest that. If you think there is a chance you might find energy to go out dancing let them know so they can pack an 'in case' bag accordingly.
If your friends are truly your friends, they will understand. Or at the very least, they will want to understand by having you explain.
So be true to your non-socializing needs, to your recharging, and to your knowledge of self. After all, no one can expect you to be the energizer bunny.
Are you an introvert, and extrovert, or an ambivert? Do you have an example of how you found balance between friends and recharging your social batteries? As always, feel free to share in the comments below.
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
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