Advice and Understanding

If you've been following the Rambler from the start, you'll know that this Bra is a firm believer in communication and understanding for all. Often, I am asked questions or turned to for advice regarding the opposite sex and while I usually have some insight or perspective I am willing to share, I feel a need to clarify some points.


Usually, when questions arise regarding a specific individual, I point out to the person asking that I cannot know for sure because I am not the individual in question. I have not lived through their experiences, nor have I developed their perspectives. I can offer some insight into how I might view a circumstance if I was that person, but the only way to know what that person is thinking or feeling is to ask them directly. 

 The same goes for questions regarding specific demographics. Yes, I can offer up any information I may know, any tidbits I may have gathered from exchanges with these groups, but that is all I can do without being in their shoes myself. 

 This is one of the reasons why, if you look back on my previous posts, you will see posts about women, but not full posts regarding men. Yes, I have some perspective to shed in a lot of conversational scenarios, and yes I have many male friends that I converse and hang out with that allow me better understanding than most, but this in no way makes me an expert. I am not male.

 Even if I was, it is important to note that just as a woman cannot know the thoughts of all women, one man is not an expert on all men. 

 There are exceptions and it is for this reason that it is important never to over generalize. Not all girls like to talk about their emotions, not all guys are closed off to emotion based communication, not all girls beat around the bush when addressing an issue, not all guys are direct. While there are general rules, there are always exceptions and the only way to know something where someone is concerned is to take the time to learn about who that person is as an individual.

 So, knowing this, having me tell my friends these points, why do they still come to me? Simple. People are still uncomfortable asking questions. I openly admit I do not know all of the answers, I admit that I am far from being above asking for help or insight. In the past, when someone has asked me a general question “Why does he do that?”, I offer a few possibilities that can than be associated to what the person knows about the individual they are actually asking about. I ask them to reflect on the other persons perspective by asking them questions “Is it possible he...?”. If I am unable to give at least a few plausible explanations, then I start canvasing friends for their opinions. 

 Contrary to what seems to be popular belief among some of my female friends, men can be very easy to communicate with. A lot of them want to be able to provide answers and insight. The same goes for other demographics. 

 I walked into a conversation the other day where a member of the LGBTQ community was being asked the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. This was a conversation that I had heard many times before between an old roommate of mine and those surrounding him in his life and not once, in all the times I have heard these questions arise, have I heard someone get upset for being asked an honest and non judgmental question. 

 Why? Because people want to be understood. 

 I believe that these are all important things to understand when asking questions. It is okay to ask questions, it is encouraged to ask questions. Yes, sometimes it may seem scary but questions allow us to understand, and isn't understanding something we want more of in our world?

 I encourage you all to consider these points, to understand what it is to ask and receive advice regarding specific people or demographics. 

 That being said, if you have a question, something you are looking to better understand about the opposite sex, or perhaps a general group of people, I invite you to ask. You can comment, or send me an email and I will seek the answers as best I can.  

Let's open the lines of communication to allow us to better understand those around us.

Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler

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