The Zombie Apocalypse Friendship Test
In the words of the Joss Whedon Zombie, “Grrrr Arghhhh”
If you can't rely on them now, you won't be able to rely on them then. Can you trust that your friends will be there for you when the going gets tough and the tough starts trying to eat your brains? Here are a few guidelines to determine whether or not you should trust them, or abandon them as cannon fodder.
- Are they constantly breaking promises to you? If so, chances are you probably can't trust them come Z-Day.
- Do they regularly take you for granted? If so, they'd probably just use you to protect themselves come Z-Day.
- Do they constantly leave you behind and forget to invite you to their jolly reindeer games? If so, sorry Rudolf, you had better believe they are probably going to forget all about you at the first sign of trouble.
- Do they ever take your suggestions and input into consideration when making plans? If not, they are not likely to listen to your exit strategies come Z-Day.
- If you don't believe they think you're friendship is worth fighting to maintain, if they don't treat you as an equal in a partnership, they probably wouldn't fight beside you come Z-Day.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, are these friends putting forth the same effort as you?
Is your response a no as you make mental excuses for them? A friendship should not need to be defended with excuses.
Forget about what happened five years ago when they were there for you. People change. Are they still there for you now? Or do they know you are going though something and ignore it? Do they 'like' your statuses but neglect to ask what's wrong? Do you text them and never get a response, or at best, get a response every ten messages or so? If the relationship isn't a two way street, it really isn't fair to you.
Recently, I was forced to make a very difficult decision regarding someone I really cared about who had been a very large part of my life for several years. Or rather, I had been a large part of their life for as long. In reality they had not been there for me nearly as much as I had been there for them. The person in question had continuously broken promises to me, continuously vanished when I needed them, and had seemingly stopped caring how their actions made me feel. I knew that, despite their words promising they would come and get me come the apocalypse “no matter what”, the reality was that they could not even be trusted to follow through on non apocalyptic promises.
Though they said they valued my friendship, though they said I was important to them, their actions continuously belied their words. I was forced to start learning to hear with my eyes as my favourite author Sherrilyn Kenyon explained in her novel Born of Fury.
What does that mean, to listen with your eyes? Simple, it means that actions speak louder than words. It means that sometimes we have to ignore what a person is saying long enough to see what their actions have said about them. In this particular situation, my eyes were saddened by what they heard, by what they had long tried to ignore. By what my hearts rose coloured glasses fought to hide. This person wasn't going to follow through on their promises to me any time soon, no matter how many chances I gave them. So, no matter how much it hurt, I had to make a decision to remove that person from my Z-Day team because I knew that when zombified obstacles stood in the way, this person wasn't going to follow through on their promises and be there for me. They would not fight for me, and they certainly would not come back for me. At least not when it mattered most.
Did it hurt to say goodbye? Absolutely. This person was once responsible for the greatest joys in my life, they were once known for their ability to make me smile even as tears poured down my face from life's little challenges. They meant the world to me and so much more. Heck, this person meant so very much to me that part of me still hopes they'll come around having finally decided to fight for a partnership. The difference is that now I no longer hold my breath waiting for that moment to come. Now I accept the truth no matter how much I wish it wasn't so. I've now come to terms with the fact that that person has changed.
The fact is that a lot of us allow others to take us for granted without even realizing it. We allow ourselves to be there for someone time and time again, always ignoring that those people aren't there for us when we need them. That they don't respect us as equals but rather as an on call support system to be used as needed and put out of their minds when they are done with us.
So how do you know who your Zombie Apocalypse team should actually comprise of? Easy, who would have the most invested reaction were you to call them crying or in need right at this very moment?
If they would ignore your phone call, or not even ask why you called once they realized they missed it, if they would forget all about it and assume someone else would be there for you, scratch them off.
If they would pick up, even when busy because you might need them, if they would automatically ask you if you needed them to come and get you, even reiterating the question after you have told them that it wasn't necessary, keep them. These people are your team, these are the people worth keeping around. These people view you as equal partners in the friendship you share, they respect and appreciate you. These people have earned a place on your team, not just with their words, but with their lasting actions as well. These people have proven their loyalty.
If they are reading this, my Z-Team knows exactly who they are and I appreciate them so very much.
Have you thought about the people in your life in terms of words vs actions? Do you know who would answer the call or get back to you the moment they realized they have missed a call from you? Are you able to identify who wouldn't?
If you aren't ready to give up on a team member yet who has not been showing you the respect you deserve, call them out on it. Give them a chance to fight for their place, a chance to prove that their actions speak the same language as their promises. Just remember, any friendship, any relationship, should comprise of an equal effort on both sides. If it doesn't, it's probably not good for you and therefore, not worth your time.
Is your response a no as you make mental excuses for them? A friendship should not need to be defended with excuses.
Forget about what happened five years ago when they were there for you. People change. Are they still there for you now? Or do they know you are going though something and ignore it? Do they 'like' your statuses but neglect to ask what's wrong? Do you text them and never get a response, or at best, get a response every ten messages or so? If the relationship isn't a two way street, it really isn't fair to you.
Recently, I was forced to make a very difficult decision regarding someone I really cared about who had been a very large part of my life for several years. Or rather, I had been a large part of their life for as long. In reality they had not been there for me nearly as much as I had been there for them. The person in question had continuously broken promises to me, continuously vanished when I needed them, and had seemingly stopped caring how their actions made me feel. I knew that, despite their words promising they would come and get me come the apocalypse “no matter what”, the reality was that they could not even be trusted to follow through on non apocalyptic promises.
Though they said they valued my friendship, though they said I was important to them, their actions continuously belied their words. I was forced to start learning to hear with my eyes as my favourite author Sherrilyn Kenyon explained in her novel Born of Fury.
What does that mean, to listen with your eyes? Simple, it means that actions speak louder than words. It means that sometimes we have to ignore what a person is saying long enough to see what their actions have said about them. In this particular situation, my eyes were saddened by what they heard, by what they had long tried to ignore. By what my hearts rose coloured glasses fought to hide. This person wasn't going to follow through on their promises to me any time soon, no matter how many chances I gave them. So, no matter how much it hurt, I had to make a decision to remove that person from my Z-Day team because I knew that when zombified obstacles stood in the way, this person wasn't going to follow through on their promises and be there for me. They would not fight for me, and they certainly would not come back for me. At least not when it mattered most.
Did it hurt to say goodbye? Absolutely. This person was once responsible for the greatest joys in my life, they were once known for their ability to make me smile even as tears poured down my face from life's little challenges. They meant the world to me and so much more. Heck, this person meant so very much to me that part of me still hopes they'll come around having finally decided to fight for a partnership. The difference is that now I no longer hold my breath waiting for that moment to come. Now I accept the truth no matter how much I wish it wasn't so. I've now come to terms with the fact that that person has changed.
The fact is that a lot of us allow others to take us for granted without even realizing it. We allow ourselves to be there for someone time and time again, always ignoring that those people aren't there for us when we need them. That they don't respect us as equals but rather as an on call support system to be used as needed and put out of their minds when they are done with us.
So how do you know who your Zombie Apocalypse team should actually comprise of? Easy, who would have the most invested reaction were you to call them crying or in need right at this very moment?
If they would ignore your phone call, or not even ask why you called once they realized they missed it, if they would forget all about it and assume someone else would be there for you, scratch them off.
If they would pick up, even when busy because you might need them, if they would automatically ask you if you needed them to come and get you, even reiterating the question after you have told them that it wasn't necessary, keep them. These people are your team, these are the people worth keeping around. These people view you as equal partners in the friendship you share, they respect and appreciate you. These people have earned a place on your team, not just with their words, but with their lasting actions as well. These people have proven their loyalty.
If they are reading this, my Z-Team knows exactly who they are and I appreciate them so very much.
Have you thought about the people in your life in terms of words vs actions? Do you know who would answer the call or get back to you the moment they realized they have missed a call from you? Are you able to identify who wouldn't?
If you aren't ready to give up on a team member yet who has not been showing you the respect you deserve, call them out on it. Give them a chance to fight for their place, a chance to prove that their actions speak the same language as their promises. Just remember, any friendship, any relationship, should comprise of an equal effort on both sides. If it doesn't, it's probably not good for you and therefore, not worth your time.
Make sure your Z-Team is ready to fight side by side come Z-Day.
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
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