Say Yes to No
“It's only by saying “no” that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” -Steve Jobs.
Only two letters, only one syllable, one clear meaning, and yet often difficult to say despite how much the word may be needed.
No. Simple enough concept, yes? Ha! Easier said than done.
If you're like me, you despise feeling like you have let anyone down, no matter how much you may have on your own plate. Now, I'm not talking about saying no to that friend who just got dumped last night and needs a sympathetic ear... unless that friend goes through a breakup every month. I'm referring to all of the little things that build up. Can you do this for me? Can you take up this extra shift? Can you come to this thing with me that costs money you don't have? Those little things that pile up, take up your time, money, and sanity when you need nothing more than to focus on your own things or even just take a personal break.
It has taken me a long time to come to terms with the fact that my mental and emotional health is more important than a favour I think I owe someone else, a favour that I always feel I owe someone somewhere simply because I'm a nice person.
Well, if you're like me... Stop it!
We have to teach ourselves that it is okay to put ourselves first. That putting ourselves first now and again does not make us selfish, nor does it make us a bad person.
Saying no when it is needed means we know and respect our limits. Of course, this doesn't just mean in terms of favours and dues. It is also a word we need to apply more often in terms of what we will and will not accept in our lives as well as what we will and will not accept from those around us, as indicated in my previous post: The Zombie Apocalypse Friendship Test .Will we continue to allow others to take us for granted? Will we allow others to disrespect us? Will we allow others to use us?
The word no has such a negative connotation when in reality, it is quite necessary for a positive effect on our lives. Yes is a word that will lead to new experiences, new adventures, new memories, but no will also make sure that we have time to use yes for our benefit instead of always using it for the benefit of others.
Think about it, how many times have you found yourself stressed, overwhelmed, and at wits end? How many of those instances could have been prevented by the use of the word no? How many of the things you committed to were truly your responsibility to take on? No one else could have done those things in your stead?
I'm not going to lie, learning to say no is not an easy thing to do. In fact, on top of having to re-program yourself to say no, you will be faced with the difficulty of having to deal with those around you who are used to getting an automatic yes from you. They will view your response as a maybe, and let's face it, most people view maybe as a yes. They will ask again, they will use their words to coax you, they will try to bargain with you. In general, people don't handle change well, and you saying no will be one heck of a change for them.
No, it will definitely not be easy at first, but it will certainly be worth it once you are able to get past the initial obstacles.
With time, saying no will get easier. You will learn to identify where you are really needed, and where you are simply being used to lighten someone else's load at your own expense. You will learn how much you can realistically take on while still balancing your own life and sanity, and you will learn that you are actually suppose to have some down time to regroup so that you don't periodically crash.
You will discover that your life can actually have....balance. Wow. Is that what being able to breathe feels like?
You are one person, you have your life to live as pleasantly as you can so use the word no as your gauge on maintaining your life. You should not feel like you are being pulled through the hoops of a task list that ought to be divided between at least three separate people, and you certainly shouldn't have to feel like you are awash in a sea of people who are toxic to you as they slowly poison you with the permission you give them. The poison to take advantage of you every time you give them a yes you can't afford, or shouldn't afford.
'No' is an important word, it weighs just as much as the word 'yes' for a reason. The two should be used to balance each other, used to keep your life balanced and on track.
Are you up for the challenge of fighting to have a life for yourself with the word no as your weapon to fight off those who would take advantage of your precious yes? May the odds be ever in your favour.
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
Comments
Post a Comment