How Do You Express Your Love?

Saying those three little words is certainly one way of expressing deep seated affection, but before they are said, and even long after they have been said, we learn there are many other ways of saying “I Love You” to that special someone.

When love is new and in it's honeymoon phase, expressing our affection seems so much easier. Often, we find ourselves doing little things without any thought or real effort as they just seem to happen naturally. We think of that person throughout the day and act on those thoughts by picking up the phone and calling or texting them, we buy them flowers because we happened to see them at the store and thought they would be appreciated, we reach for our partner, we hold their hands and offer spontaneous smiles and kisses. However as time and the nature of our relationship evolves, so too do our thought processes and our automatic impulses to demonstrate this affection. What else changes? Our ability to recognize the little things our partners do for us that show us they care.

So why am I writing this post, why is it important to recognize these simple truths?

Because love may be a feeling rooted deep within our hearts, but romance is a flower in need of conscious care and constant nourishment. And romance, my dear friends, is how we show the roots are there.

I feel it is important to recognize how we show love and how our partner shows us their love.

When we recognize, we better appreciate. When we appreciate, we encourage.

On the other hand, when we constantly do something for someone but are left to wonder if our efforts are noticed, let alone enjoyed or appreciated, we tend to allow these actions to become less frequent. We start doing less for our partners, with the same thoughts potentially happening on their side as they too begin doing less for us. Before we know it, we're both putting in less effort to romance each other, to do those little things for one another that attracted each others attention in the first place and made us think “I love the way she does this for me.” or “I love the way he says those things to me.”

Less efforts = less romance.

With less romance, we find that “they love me” becomes more of an automatic thought rather than something we know and feel to our core the way we once did. Sometimes doubts even slip in leaving room for us to question things, to put up our defenses just in case, to resign ourselves, and even to allow our feelings to fade, be it consciously or not.

Without water and nutrients the flower begins to flop over. Once the flower is gone, we forget where the roots were, and before we know it the roots are gone too.

Once this happens, we come to find that we have become complacent in our relationships, we stay together because it's 'comfortable' rather than because we are happy and in love.

So how can we avoid this?

By paying attention to how we show our love, and how often. By being self aware, making efforts, and communicating.

We can do this for ourselves, and we can also use it as an opportunity to learn more about our partners; to find out how the Other person shows their love. It might not be the same way we show ours, or the way we recognize love being shown.

If you've been reading the Bra Street Rambler for a while, you know that I'm a big advocate for communication. Don't be afraid to ask questions, even if you feel like your questions are a little silly. By asking those questions and having that reassurance from your partner that you can talk about anything, you are allowing yourselves to explore each others perspectives, getting to know each other on a deeper level, and strengthening your relationship.

And never be afraid to check in and touch base with your partner on how they are feeling about your relationship and the level of romance (or how you are feeling about it for that matter). They may know you love them, but do they Feel it?

Communication is your greatest asset in a relationship.

If you don't tell them and haven't been actively showing them, you're assuming someone knows how you feel. Feelings fade and so can the knowledge of them. After all, isn't the saying “actions speak louder than words?”

Cheers!

The Bra Street Rambler

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