A Time and Place for Being a Dick
Hello readers of The Bra Street Rambler, a fellow Bro is currently going through a situation with what I like to call a stage five clinger. He has told me that I should write a post about it in order to shed light on this topic for other men (or women) going through similar situations. Or as he says, to serve as a warning.
Background story: Bro, who wants to be referred to as Carlos in this post, was going through a breakup after a long relationship, he wanted comfort and he wanted to find it in the arms of a woman. No news there, this is often the case for men after breakups, and whether they like to admit it or not, it is often the case for women as well.
This is natural. Breakups often leave a person feeling unwanted and undesirable. It is a blow to the ego and a blow to the pride. In these circumstances, a person will usually want to have fun between the sheets, even though they are well aware that they do not want anything else as it is too soon for them to throw themselves back under that particular bus of vulnerability and heartbreak.
However, while I see no issues with having a little fun between two consenting adults, I have to stress again and again that it is of the utmost importance that both participants be fully aware of where they stand. There can be no room for misunderstandings as emotions are certain to get involved and hearts are bound to be broken.
If one of the two begins to develop feelings, or begins to suspect as much from the other, it is important to re-discuss where both parties stand. If nothing has changed for one of the parties, it is time to give each other space. No exceptions.
Here's the thing with Carlos, the girl he chose developed feelings. He tried to tell her nothing had changed on his end and this did nothing. She became increasingly clingy, and he kept being nice trying to avoid being a dick. She became more clingy, he kept taking the honest but nice approach.
This my friends, is a monumental mistake. The girl is clearly not on the same page and at this point, she is not going to be. Her emotions are involved, and emotions, as we all know, do not abide by reason. She may say she understands and that things will change, but those are her emotions talking. Those emotions do not want to lose that special person in her life, they will say anything to be able to keep him there.
Carlos needs to understand that sometimes the band-aid needs to be ripped off quickly. It hurts, it sucks, but it is best for both parties involved. Carlos does not need the stress of back and forthing it when he has already made his stance perfectly clear, and the girl involved does not need to be lead on by any sliver of possible false hope brought about by trying to be nice.
Carlos may end up feeling like a dick, she may even think he was being a dick, but better that than being trapped under false expectations of one another. Carlos expecting her to ditch her emotions, her expecting Carlos to develop some.
This is natural. Breakups often leave a person feeling unwanted and undesirable. It is a blow to the ego and a blow to the pride. In these circumstances, a person will usually want to have fun between the sheets, even though they are well aware that they do not want anything else as it is too soon for them to throw themselves back under that particular bus of vulnerability and heartbreak.
However, while I see no issues with having a little fun between two consenting adults, I have to stress again and again that it is of the utmost importance that both participants be fully aware of where they stand. There can be no room for misunderstandings as emotions are certain to get involved and hearts are bound to be broken.
If one of the two begins to develop feelings, or begins to suspect as much from the other, it is important to re-discuss where both parties stand. If nothing has changed for one of the parties, it is time to give each other space. No exceptions.
Here's the thing with Carlos, the girl he chose developed feelings. He tried to tell her nothing had changed on his end and this did nothing. She became increasingly clingy, and he kept being nice trying to avoid being a dick. She became more clingy, he kept taking the honest but nice approach.
This my friends, is a monumental mistake. The girl is clearly not on the same page and at this point, she is not going to be. Her emotions are involved, and emotions, as we all know, do not abide by reason. She may say she understands and that things will change, but those are her emotions talking. Those emotions do not want to lose that special person in her life, they will say anything to be able to keep him there.
Carlos needs to understand that sometimes the band-aid needs to be ripped off quickly. It hurts, it sucks, but it is best for both parties involved. Carlos does not need the stress of back and forthing it when he has already made his stance perfectly clear, and the girl involved does not need to be lead on by any sliver of possible false hope brought about by trying to be nice.
Carlos may end up feeling like a dick, she may even think he was being a dick, but better that than being trapped under false expectations of one another. Carlos expecting her to ditch her emotions, her expecting Carlos to develop some.
Bras and Bros, it is important to be a straight shooter in circumstances like these. No room for questions, no room for misinterpretations. If you want to call things off, call them off under no uncertain terms.
Anyway, that's this Ramblers response for the week, feel free to send it requests anytime via comment or by email at thebrastreetrambler@gmail.com
Anyway, that's this Ramblers response for the week, feel free to send it requests anytime via comment or by email at thebrastreetrambler@gmail.com
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
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