A Rambler's Guide to Being Real
“Being genuine is the foundation for integrity- often inconvenient and not always painless- but it is the only way to go if you're here to really, truly, fully live.” -Danielle Laporte
“I appreciate genuine people, even if you are mean. This way I know if I should consider you a friend or not.” - Author Unknown
I often get feedback that I am a “genuine” person, and though I've never really given it much thought because well... I'm just me, I decided this week to reflect and figure out what that really meant to me. To try and isolate what characteristics I attribute to someone being considered genuine.
Be Honest
I think it's important to be honest, with yourself and with those around you. Sometimes this means something as simple as telling the truth when you are asked a question, other times it means telling someone the truth whether they will like what they hear or not. Telling someone something just because it's what you think they want to hear only ends up distorting how others see you. You're showing them who you think they will respond best to, you are not showing them who you are. Ultimately, you end up confusing them. You end up showing them fragments of a created character mixed in with the real deal and it makes you seem phony. Much better to just set all of that aside and be a straight shooter.
Be Yourself and Own It
A big part of being honest is being yourself regardless of what others may think. It's making silly faces when you feel like making silly faces, even if it seems weird (though I must say, I've only ever gotten laughs from my coworkers for this. Yes, silly faces at work because, why not). It's wearing the clothes that makes you feel comfortable, it's owning your nerd side and admitting you're a huge fan of anime, or comics, or that you get together with friends for LARPING or Dungeons and Dragons on weekends. It's not caring what people think about your makeup, or your unique hairstyle. It's having someone say “Maybe you should be more -this- or less -that-” and responding that you would rather just be yourself. I've actually had someone try to tell me I was too nice to the people I meet, or that it was okay to lie instead of being determined in my honesty, then try to encourage me to change these things about myself. What I'm saying is, there will always be people who try to tell you to be someone else no matter who you are, so you might as well just be yourself.
Accept Fault
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is wrong about something at some point. Accept it. When you realize you were wrong or mistaken, say so. Tell the other person they were right. Nothing is more genuine, more profoundly real, than when a person is honest even when it means admitting they were in the wrong. You can be a mean, obnoxious jerk, but if you can admit when you are wrong instead of talking yourself in circles looking for a loophole to make yourself 'right', than you earn yourself respect for at least being real. You can be as honest about other things as you want, but if you're only honest when it makes you look good, you're still coming across as a fake, or at the very least, a sore loser.
Give Credit Where Credit is Due
The same can be said about taking credit for accomplishments that are not yours, or only giving compliments when they serve you well to give them. If someone does a good job, does something better than you, or does something well that you admire, let them know. In my opinion, a compliment spoken behind someones back is a compliment wasted. It's that extra bit of honesty that has the benefit of making someone smile and feel good.
Games Include Boards, Dice, and Consoles, Not Minds
Don't play mind games. Don't try to control people into getting the results you want. Don't try to manipulate those around you. Respect means letting people be who they are, free will and everything. If you want something, ask for it. If you don't get the response you wanted, find something else or try a different way. Go about things honestly. Life is not a chess board and friends/family/acquaintances are not your pawns.
These are just a few things that I believe contribute to someone being considered genuine. I'm sure there are many more, and being genuine is a quality that can be attributed to people of all kinds of personalities and characteristics. The important thing is that at the end of the day, the person you consider yourself to be on the inside, is the same person you show to the world around you.
Be Honest
I think it's important to be honest, with yourself and with those around you. Sometimes this means something as simple as telling the truth when you are asked a question, other times it means telling someone the truth whether they will like what they hear or not. Telling someone something just because it's what you think they want to hear only ends up distorting how others see you. You're showing them who you think they will respond best to, you are not showing them who you are. Ultimately, you end up confusing them. You end up showing them fragments of a created character mixed in with the real deal and it makes you seem phony. Much better to just set all of that aside and be a straight shooter.
Be Yourself and Own It
A big part of being honest is being yourself regardless of what others may think. It's making silly faces when you feel like making silly faces, even if it seems weird (though I must say, I've only ever gotten laughs from my coworkers for this. Yes, silly faces at work because, why not). It's wearing the clothes that makes you feel comfortable, it's owning your nerd side and admitting you're a huge fan of anime, or comics, or that you get together with friends for LARPING or Dungeons and Dragons on weekends. It's not caring what people think about your makeup, or your unique hairstyle. It's having someone say “Maybe you should be more -this- or less -that-” and responding that you would rather just be yourself. I've actually had someone try to tell me I was too nice to the people I meet, or that it was okay to lie instead of being determined in my honesty, then try to encourage me to change these things about myself. What I'm saying is, there will always be people who try to tell you to be someone else no matter who you are, so you might as well just be yourself.
Accept Fault
Everyone makes mistakes, everyone is wrong about something at some point. Accept it. When you realize you were wrong or mistaken, say so. Tell the other person they were right. Nothing is more genuine, more profoundly real, than when a person is honest even when it means admitting they were in the wrong. You can be a mean, obnoxious jerk, but if you can admit when you are wrong instead of talking yourself in circles looking for a loophole to make yourself 'right', than you earn yourself respect for at least being real. You can be as honest about other things as you want, but if you're only honest when it makes you look good, you're still coming across as a fake, or at the very least, a sore loser.
Give Credit Where Credit is Due
The same can be said about taking credit for accomplishments that are not yours, or only giving compliments when they serve you well to give them. If someone does a good job, does something better than you, or does something well that you admire, let them know. In my opinion, a compliment spoken behind someones back is a compliment wasted. It's that extra bit of honesty that has the benefit of making someone smile and feel good.
Games Include Boards, Dice, and Consoles, Not Minds
Don't play mind games. Don't try to control people into getting the results you want. Don't try to manipulate those around you. Respect means letting people be who they are, free will and everything. If you want something, ask for it. If you don't get the response you wanted, find something else or try a different way. Go about things honestly. Life is not a chess board and friends/family/acquaintances are not your pawns.
These are just a few things that I believe contribute to someone being considered genuine. I'm sure there are many more, and being genuine is a quality that can be attributed to people of all kinds of personalities and characteristics. The important thing is that at the end of the day, the person you consider yourself to be on the inside, is the same person you show to the world around you.
Who's the most 'real' person you know? What about them makes them so genuine? As always, I invite you to comment or email.
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
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