Story Time on Bra Street: The Evil Amazonian Ants

Gather round ramblers, as I tell you the tale of the Evil Amazonian Ants.

A few years ago, I traveled to the Amazon jungles of Peru. Naturally, friends and family cautioned me about all of the many things that may try to kill me during my unconventional vacation destination. But, this Rambler loves adventure, so piranhas, electric eels, jaguars, giant tarantulas, and anacondas be damned!

But of all the horrifying plants and creatures that I could have, and sometimes did encounter, none was more ferocious, more evil, more traumatizing, that the ants!

There are two types of little ants that, while briefly warned about by the man who owned the company I traveled with, posed a greater risk that I should have taken more seriously.

The first of these ants, was the fearsome Tamaranga ant!

You see, when I visited the Amazon, it had just been hit by not one, but two horrible floods. I had even been asked if I wanted to postpone my trip because of it. Did I? Pffft. Absolutely not, where's the adventure in that!?

What this meant for me though was that everything, Everything, was under water. My cabin in the jungle was being lifted by giant floating barrels, and the submerged walkways leading from each cabin to the common areas were fixed by placing logs on them to hold up 2x4 planks. Everywhere I went, I was walking the plank! SO as you can imagine, the hiking trails through the jungle, were also submerged. Five feet under, the only way to enjoy our adventures through the trails, was by canoe. And as you may learn from a later story, I wasn't terribly fond of small canoes.

Well, this would have been all good and fine Except my guide was in the front of the canoe, I in the back, and he seemed to keep forgetting that the canoe was longer than where he sat.

Which far more often than not, left me in the bushes and trees!

Now, where do you suppose ants go during a flood?

And where do you suppose they live in a jungle? That's right! The very same trees and bushes I was constantly being launched into by my guide!

Now, a little information about the Tamaranga ant as it was told to me. It got it's name because of a symbiotic relationship with the Tamaranga tree. The tree provides food, and the ants provide... protection.

Protection that is, from such things perhaps as people being rammed into their tree by an un-attentive guide?

Tamaranga ants, have a particular defence system among them. You see, when they face off against an enemy, they inject a little pheromone that calls allllll their little buddies to come for a buffet!

So lucky me! I was the main course.

With one particularly unfortunate merging of myself and one tree, my knee quickly collected a gathering of painful bites.

Thankfully, we were in a boat, and we'd moved away from the tree before Too many could hone in on me.

That being said, our next friend, the EVIL Aztec ant, allowed me to quickly forget the state of my right knee in favour of the knowledge of it's bite which I know to rate higher on the Schmidt scale than a fire ant.

These little buggers, ouuuuu those little jerks....

It only takes one! And you don't see them coming because let me tell you, they are -small- and, they are blonde.

One moment, alll is relatively fine in the world, the next.....

“OW!! My Arm!” I rush to yank off the sleeve of my over shirt! Nothing is there! “OW! What the heck!? What is happening!?”

The guide turns in his seat to see what the fuss is about, and magically, by gosh Peruvian eyesight can only be described as extraordinary, he sees a bite on my arm.

He was at the front of the boat. I was attached to arm that had been bit... and yet he saw the bite while I could see nothing.

But by friggen golly and every torture Hades has to offer, I Felt it!

“OW!”

“You got bit by an Aztec ant.” he says.

“OW! THERE'S NOTHING THERE!!!”

“Well, no, he's gone now.”

“OW!! Then why does it hurt!?!?!?!”

“They have a venom, it makes it feel like they are still biting.”

“OW! FOR HOW LONG!?!”

At this point, he is all matter of fact and I'm pretty much just laughing hysterically at a pain that is so sharp, it is making my backside come off the seat each time. Why am I laughing, because that's just what I do when I'm experiencing weird pains and embarrassment.

He assured me, it would only last 5-10 minutes.

So 5-10 minutes was Actually 20-30 minutes of getting bit every 10 seconds by something that wasn't even there anymore!

Now, how comfortable do you think I was at being pushed into trees and bushes at this point?

Not.

Was he any more careful? Nawwwww

So at this point, I'm paranoid. I've been personally attacked by not one, but two different kinds of ants, and my eyes are now PEELED!

Next thing you know, tables are being turned as the guide then finds himself startled. By a bite? Nope. By a sound. The man turns around to investigate and breaks out laughing at the nice little Canadian girl armed with a golden flip-flop! That's right folks, a flip-flop was my weapon that day, and whack-a-mole was my game.

WHACK! There goes an ant! WHACK! There goes another one! Ran into the bushes again... WHACK, WHACK, WHACK!

The ants might be different kinds, but dangit, there will be no survivors! The ants are the enemy, and I WILL survive!

The guide got a laugh, I got a story, and now somewhere in the Amazon jungle, little ants tremble in bed as their mothers tell them the story of the evil Canuck who will flip-flop them if they don't behave.

The End.

I hope you enjoyed this months Story Time segment. Stay tuned next month for a new adventure by yours truly!

Cheers!

The Bra Street Rambler

P.S. I hope you are all having fun with your March Break challenges. 

Thank you dear Rambler's for your patience last week, and I hope you enjoyed today's story. I owe you a Rambler Rave for last week so without further ado....

The Rambler Rave!

Today's Rambler Rave goes out to a group of people I'm rather proud of.  It is an absolutely wonderful cause called 4Ocean. This fantastic organization works to remove plastic from our oceans using funds raised by selling beautiful bracelets made out of recycled plastic. I invite you all to check out their Website, and if you feel moved to do so, purchase a bracelet. If you cannot purchase a bracelet, perhaps you may instead feel compelled to share their link so that others might. I myself have bought some bracelets and found myself impressed by the quality of this recylced jewelry.