MY life, MY self

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to reclaim your lives. By that I mean, it is time we as a society learn to stop seeing ourselves with so much judgment through the eyes of others.

We wonder what others will think of this outfit, we wonder if they'd like our hair if we cut it this way, we hide photos of ourselves making silly faces from crushes. We do so much based on the expectations we have allowed others to set down for us.

Recently, I watched a movie on Netflix called Nappily Ever After about the pressure a woman of colour put on herself to be perfect as defined by others. She had been taught to define herself by her hair, perfect only as long as it remained straight and flawless. She had also extended this frame of mind to other aspects in her life, taking extra precautions to always appear and act flawlessly. Now, whether or not you can relate to this characters relationship with her hair, I'm sure you have at some point in your life had someone tell you that you needed to look or act a certain way to meet the expectations of others, or in some cases, to avoid looking or acting a certain way.

I can understand and respect that there are certain appearances one must maintain for professionalism in the work place, I get that, but when you are off the clock, how much of your life is still dictated by the expectations of others? In fact, how many of your decisions are dictated by the expectations of others even when it makes little to no difference where professionalism and work are concerned?

How many girls worry about having the perfect eyebrows? How many people avoid their alter ego's style for fear of judgment?

How many of us don't know what looks or hobbies we'd love because we've been too scared to explore them for fear of criticism?

I have a shade of bright pink lipstick that, while I rarely wear lipstick, I one day decided to wear because it made me happy to do so. It was a little something that made me smile that day. Some people reacted with small amounts of shock because it was something new, but they didn't hate it. However, all it took was one person to openly criticize my happy shade of pink to make me feel self-conscious enough to wipe it right off. All it took was a single persons comment to turn my oomph of happy into an oh of quiet, self-stifling hurt.

But why?

When I was in college, not only did I wear the styles of clothing I wanted, when I wanted to, but I was commended and applauded for my expressed individuality. Sometimes I would wear flowing skirts, bangle bracelets, and colourful scarves in my hair, other times I would wear puffy vests, flowing sleeves, and crimped hair. Every day had the potential for a new look. One day getting on the elevator in the residence where I both lived and worked as a Resident Advisor, a student asked if I was going to a theme party. Before I could respond, his friend answered him, “No, that's just the way she dresses all the time, it's awesome.”

Yet here I was, wiping off my lipstick.

The truth is, I didn't care what people thought in college because no one knew me. I could freely reinvent myself, to allow my inner self to shine through. Back home however, it matters to me what the people I care about think.

It shouldn't.

If they love me, they love me for me. I should only care what makes ME feel good, what clothes make ME happy (provided it follows work dress codes of course), what life decisions I feel benefit the way I want to live my life.

Now, I am lucky that people at work are very accepting of my brightly coloured clothes and workspace, they love my skirts and dresses, and my style. But can you imagine what the world would be like if we all just.... let ourselves be who we are?

Even if it just means adding a little bit of our alter ego's style to the more conservative styles that are required in professional places. Agent Booth from the television show Bones comes to mind, with his brightly coloured socks and cocky belt buckle sprucing up his FBI suit and tie.

We put so much pressure on ourselves to live up to the expectations of others that we completely forget to set positive expectations for ourselves.

If you could wear any style you wanted, what would you wear? Don't feel comfortable throwing yourself right into it? What's one aspect of that style that you could incorporate into your current look?

I had a coworker once who would have loved nothing more than to wear a full suit to work everyday, but was told it would be intimidating and ill suited for his line of work. On some level this was understandable, but that's not to say this gentleman couldn't wear a t-shirt with a suit print on it, a snazzy looking vest, or a collared shirt.

Someone who loves corsets but couldn't wear them to work, could easily toss a corset style belt over layered shirts and still convey the sentiment of the style.

What I'm saying is that while there are certain limitations to be acknowledged, it's time we start being true to ourselves and the things that make us feel like individuals. That make us Happy and Proud to be individuals.

This doesn't just extend to physical appearances and styles either, much like in the movie I mentioned above, it extends to how we act and how we live our lives.

A few years ago, I had a friend who was going through a tough time. In order to help her through the emotional slump of a breakup, I would periodically send her photos of me making silly faces with edited fish like bubble eyes. She never knew when she would get them and would often burst out laughing at the ridiculous images. Folks to be clear, these photos made me look like some kind of gnome/house elf crossover. The first time I sent them to her, she told me to never ever show those photos to any guys I liked as though me looking silly would scare them off. Guess what? I share those photos with any of my friends when I want to make them laugh, including love interests. And you know what? They laugh at them, loving my ability to laugh at myself and be silly. To be flawed and human.

Life is short, so why waste it trying to be someone that someone else wants you to be? Just because they have a certain perspective on how life should be lived and it's right for them, doesn't mean that your way of being an individual and living your life is wrong.

Anyway, that's my Ramble for this week. I'd also like to include this little video for added perspective for anyone who cares to take a peek. This young woman decided to go five days without looking in a mirror, here's what she learned.

Cheers!

The Bra Street Rambler

Now, it's the first blog of the month and that means it's time for...

The Rambler Rave!

Last week, I posted about fitness and finding out what works for you. I've shared this 4 Minute Workout with coworkers and it's been rather popular so I'm sharing it with all of you! This workout is perfect for people who have desk jobs or don't get up and move as much as they would like to. It's over before you know it, so it's great for those who have trouble staying motivated long enough to get through a full workout. Here you go, enjoy!