How Are You?
The other day while taking a break from my writing, I was scanning my Facebook newsfeed and stumbled across an image a friend had posted that caught me the wrong way. The post said: "If I ask you how you're doing, please just say, "good" and move on. Don't start telling me shit."
At first I was upset at what was being expressed because in my mind, if you don't want the answer simply don't ask the question. In other words, don't pretend you care, if you don't. Then I got to thinking, that's the mentality that has developed into the social norm, isn't it?
How many of us are guilty of asking "how are you?" without being invested in the answer? How many of us ask because it's a habit we have developed in conversation? So much so that often we will ask someone how they are doing, they will return the question, and we will ask again despite having already gone through the formality moments ago.
We ask but we don't listen. We have been conditioned for apathy because of what we believe is expected of us to say, to ask. We think we have to ask how someone is simply because that's what people do. Because that's how the script goes.
Indulge me for a moment will you? If you have a cell phone next to you, or if it's currently in your hands, go over to your recent text messages. Take note of the ten most recent people you have messaged.
Now, keeping those ten people in mind....How are they? Can you answer that question with more than one word?
How many of us can look at out text history and not know how the last ten people we have texted are really doing? What's going on in their lives? Have they been stressed? What about? I bet the questions how are you or how have you been were even asked recently but a generic answer was given because that was the unspoken expectation. How many of us are guilty of not looking further than that generic response?
When they say they are okay, are they saying that because it is a response they can use when they don't feel they can say they are 'good'? Does the fact that they neglected the use of their usual emoticons go unnoticed in the hurry to have the conversation proceed? How much of what is being communicated in the answer to the question "how are you?" is being missed in the routine of the question?
How do you feel about your answers to these questions?
How many of us are guilty of asking "how are you?" without being invested in the answer? How many of us ask because it's a habit we have developed in conversation? So much so that often we will ask someone how they are doing, they will return the question, and we will ask again despite having already gone through the formality moments ago.
We ask but we don't listen. We have been conditioned for apathy because of what we believe is expected of us to say, to ask. We think we have to ask how someone is simply because that's what people do. Because that's how the script goes.
Indulge me for a moment will you? If you have a cell phone next to you, or if it's currently in your hands, go over to your recent text messages. Take note of the ten most recent people you have messaged.
-Go on. Don't just keep reading, the post will still be here when you get back.-
Now, keeping those ten people in mind....How are they? Can you answer that question with more than one word?
How many of us can look at out text history and not know how the last ten people we have texted are really doing? What's going on in their lives? Have they been stressed? What about? I bet the questions how are you or how have you been were even asked recently but a generic answer was given because that was the unspoken expectation. How many of us are guilty of not looking further than that generic response?
When they say they are okay, are they saying that because it is a response they can use when they don't feel they can say they are 'good'? Does the fact that they neglected the use of their usual emoticons go unnoticed in the hurry to have the conversation proceed? How much of what is being communicated in the answer to the question "how are you?" is being missed in the routine of the question?
How do you feel about your answers to these questions?
I would love to hear what your reaction is to the statement made in that circulating Facebook post as well as hear your thoughts on the questions I've asked. Let me know in the comments below.
Cheers!
The Bra Street Rambler
I still love this one the second time around. When someone asks how I am they better be ready to sit and have a coffee lol.
ReplyDelete