Coping with the Hourglass
We all know life is short, or at least we all know the saying. I think few of us truly grasp the concept unless we have had the unfortunate opportunity of facing Mr. Grimm Reaper for ourselves or having seen his handy work in those we have held most dear.
The truth is, when Grimm drops by to say hi and our mortality, or that of those around us, is staring us down from the darkest parts of our being, it can be very difficult not to give in to despair. Not to mourn for what could have been and to despair over our mistakes, over what we would do differently given the chance and to beg for more time. Indeed, it can be quite easy to give in to our less than peppy sides and to simply give in to pity and give up.
More difficult still is the ability to focus on the positive but it is in these circumstances that it becomes all the more important to try. Yes, sometimes the best way to get to the positive is to first allow ourselves to feel all of the negative, to allow ourselves to purge the sadness and anger from ourselves in order to make room for courage, strength, and resolve. We must face all of the negative emotions we’ve been holding in, accept that they are there, and decide to trade them in for better things. We can let ourselves fall but then we must do the hardest thing there is to do, commit to getting back up again, commit to clearing that space for the possibility of more positive dispositions, then commit to filling it with such.
Whether it is focusing on the good to show ourselves we have lead a good life, or focusing on the memories we have shared with those we love, we must put down our foot and decide how the rest of our time will be spent. Will we use the time to cry ourselves to sleep until we have become numb from it, or will we do our best to create more memories of laughter and time spent catching silver linings?
Lately, me and mine have struggled with these scenarios and with our battle to find some way of remaining positive. At times, trying to find the silver lining has seemed darn right impossible but just as the wind is without colour and invisible at first glimpse, we know it still exists and have only to look for the leaves and flags it affects to be reminded of this. Our silver linings are still there, they are hard to see but that does not mean they do not exist. We just have to commit to working a little harder to see them and when we find them, no matter how small, we must take them in and cherish them. Focus on them until they light the way for us to find more silver lining, building a precious collection and slowly finding our way from the darkness.
We can choose to focus not on the darkness of our loss and what we cannot do but instead on what we still have and what we can do.
Again, nowhere is it indicated that this process is easy, and if it is, someone is lying. It is however, indicated that the best things are worth fighting for and I honestly believe that fighting to find our happiness despite the difficulties we face is definitely a worthy fight.
Now of course, it’s one thing to say all this and sometimes an entirely different matter to put ourselves in that frame of mind, especially when it seems life is throwing one thing after another at us and hitting us square in the jaw with constant struggle, when it seems like we can’t get back up and there is no helmet in sight.
What then?
Here are a few things I have learned over the past month that have helped me and that I hope will help you should you ever face similar situations.
Take a Deep Breath
This really is an underrated technique of survival for ones sanity. Take a deep breath, followed by another, and then another, for as long as it takes to transition your thoughts away from all that is going on until you are simply aware of yourself again. It may not seem like much but it really is the first step to any kind of improvement.
Focus on You
Too often, we become so overwhelmed by our problems that we cannot pull ourselves away from the next demand, the next thing needed, the next temporary solution, the next thing on the to do list, the next thing to add to the to do list. On and on our thoughts go, always another problem, always something else to tackle. Well, if you’re going through anything like what I am going through, a lot of the things you are facing are simply not going anywhere, the problems will still be there after you have taken a time out. It is okay to take a day, an hour, or even just five minutes if that is really all you can spare to just focus on your own well being.
Think of the new mother (or father) always taking care of the baby but in dire need of a nap or shower herself. The more she neglects herself, the more difficult it will be to care for her child, the quality of care will be impacted. Something has to give. It is important to take some time away physically, mentally, and emotionally from the problems at hand. Take a bubble bath, unplug the phone for a day and treat yourself to a mental health day, give yourself a day in the garage or doing a home spa. It may seem impossible when you’re focusing on all of the issues but it truly is needed, then more than ever.
Distract Yourself and Redirect Your Energy
When stressed, we have this build up of negative emotion, of anxious energy that, when left unchecked, continues to feed off itself and build until it consumes us. It is important to find an outlet for all of that energy and emotion. Either with a good cry or a morning run, with an art project or a Netflix marathon, a temporary escape is necessary to allow our nerves a reset and a chance to recover.
Think of this stress induced negative energy buildup like radiation exposure. In small doses like a microwave it may not be ideal but it is survivable, but if you are exposed to something radioactive it becomes bad for your health, too much exposure can be fatal. The only way to survive is to remove oneself from the danger zone and to allow it to wear off enough to be returned to a safe level.
This distraction technique also doubles as a sense of control. Sometimes when we are in truly stressful situations, we feel as though we have no control. Giving yourself a feasible project allows you to regain some sense of control. It may be entirely unrelated but at least something is in your hands.
Know Where to Draw the Line
We’ve all been through our fair share of trials and tribulations, we’ve learned we are stronger than we ever thought ourselves to be but we are still human and thus, only capable of handling so much alone.
We have to accept this.
We have to know where to draw the line on how much we can handle on our own and know when it is time to reach out for help among friends, family, and even professionals. Sometimes we need those friends to allow us to vent out some frustrations, sometimes we need to relate to those who are going through the same things as we are so that we know we are not alone, sometimes we need advice from someone who is unaffected by what we have been going through so that they can offer us a fresh perspective on how best to handle all that we are facing.
Over the past month, I have found myself accepting my limits and reaching out to those around me and it has honestly helped. It has allowed me to keep going despite the difficulty, despite things piling up. If any of the people who have been there for me over the past month are reading this, shout out to you. You know who you are and you have helped to keep me sane (or at least as sane as someone as crazy as me can be hehe), thank you.
Life sometimes feels like it is spiraling out of control. Sometimes it feels like all that we have held dear is being torn from us and we have no control over our lives. Sometimes, we feel so entirely alone that we don’t know what else to do but to give in to despair but the truth is, that feeling of being alone is exactly why we are not alone. We all feel alone and overwhelmed at times, we may not be experiencing the feeling for the same reasons but we still feel it, no one is truly alone in this sentiment.
More difficult still is the ability to focus on the positive but it is in these circumstances that it becomes all the more important to try. Yes, sometimes the best way to get to the positive is to first allow ourselves to feel all of the negative, to allow ourselves to purge the sadness and anger from ourselves in order to make room for courage, strength, and resolve. We must face all of the negative emotions we’ve been holding in, accept that they are there, and decide to trade them in for better things. We can let ourselves fall but then we must do the hardest thing there is to do, commit to getting back up again, commit to clearing that space for the possibility of more positive dispositions, then commit to filling it with such.
Whether it is focusing on the good to show ourselves we have lead a good life, or focusing on the memories we have shared with those we love, we must put down our foot and decide how the rest of our time will be spent. Will we use the time to cry ourselves to sleep until we have become numb from it, or will we do our best to create more memories of laughter and time spent catching silver linings?
Lately, me and mine have struggled with these scenarios and with our battle to find some way of remaining positive. At times, trying to find the silver lining has seemed darn right impossible but just as the wind is without colour and invisible at first glimpse, we know it still exists and have only to look for the leaves and flags it affects to be reminded of this. Our silver linings are still there, they are hard to see but that does not mean they do not exist. We just have to commit to working a little harder to see them and when we find them, no matter how small, we must take them in and cherish them. Focus on them until they light the way for us to find more silver lining, building a precious collection and slowly finding our way from the darkness.
We can choose to focus not on the darkness of our loss and what we cannot do but instead on what we still have and what we can do.
Again, nowhere is it indicated that this process is easy, and if it is, someone is lying. It is however, indicated that the best things are worth fighting for and I honestly believe that fighting to find our happiness despite the difficulties we face is definitely a worthy fight.
Now of course, it’s one thing to say all this and sometimes an entirely different matter to put ourselves in that frame of mind, especially when it seems life is throwing one thing after another at us and hitting us square in the jaw with constant struggle, when it seems like we can’t get back up and there is no helmet in sight.
What then?
Here are a few things I have learned over the past month that have helped me and that I hope will help you should you ever face similar situations.
Take a Deep Breath
This really is an underrated technique of survival for ones sanity. Take a deep breath, followed by another, and then another, for as long as it takes to transition your thoughts away from all that is going on until you are simply aware of yourself again. It may not seem like much but it really is the first step to any kind of improvement.
Focus on You
Too often, we become so overwhelmed by our problems that we cannot pull ourselves away from the next demand, the next thing needed, the next temporary solution, the next thing on the to do list, the next thing to add to the to do list. On and on our thoughts go, always another problem, always something else to tackle. Well, if you’re going through anything like what I am going through, a lot of the things you are facing are simply not going anywhere, the problems will still be there after you have taken a time out. It is okay to take a day, an hour, or even just five minutes if that is really all you can spare to just focus on your own well being.
Think of the new mother (or father) always taking care of the baby but in dire need of a nap or shower herself. The more she neglects herself, the more difficult it will be to care for her child, the quality of care will be impacted. Something has to give. It is important to take some time away physically, mentally, and emotionally from the problems at hand. Take a bubble bath, unplug the phone for a day and treat yourself to a mental health day, give yourself a day in the garage or doing a home spa. It may seem impossible when you’re focusing on all of the issues but it truly is needed, then more than ever.
Distract Yourself and Redirect Your Energy
When stressed, we have this build up of negative emotion, of anxious energy that, when left unchecked, continues to feed off itself and build until it consumes us. It is important to find an outlet for all of that energy and emotion. Either with a good cry or a morning run, with an art project or a Netflix marathon, a temporary escape is necessary to allow our nerves a reset and a chance to recover.
Think of this stress induced negative energy buildup like radiation exposure. In small doses like a microwave it may not be ideal but it is survivable, but if you are exposed to something radioactive it becomes bad for your health, too much exposure can be fatal. The only way to survive is to remove oneself from the danger zone and to allow it to wear off enough to be returned to a safe level.
This distraction technique also doubles as a sense of control. Sometimes when we are in truly stressful situations, we feel as though we have no control. Giving yourself a feasible project allows you to regain some sense of control. It may be entirely unrelated but at least something is in your hands.
Know Where to Draw the Line
We’ve all been through our fair share of trials and tribulations, we’ve learned we are stronger than we ever thought ourselves to be but we are still human and thus, only capable of handling so much alone.
We have to accept this.
We have to know where to draw the line on how much we can handle on our own and know when it is time to reach out for help among friends, family, and even professionals. Sometimes we need those friends to allow us to vent out some frustrations, sometimes we need to relate to those who are going through the same things as we are so that we know we are not alone, sometimes we need advice from someone who is unaffected by what we have been going through so that they can offer us a fresh perspective on how best to handle all that we are facing.
Over the past month, I have found myself accepting my limits and reaching out to those around me and it has honestly helped. It has allowed me to keep going despite the difficulty, despite things piling up. If any of the people who have been there for me over the past month are reading this, shout out to you. You know who you are and you have helped to keep me sane (or at least as sane as someone as crazy as me can be hehe), thank you.
Life sometimes feels like it is spiraling out of control. Sometimes it feels like all that we have held dear is being torn from us and we have no control over our lives. Sometimes, we feel so entirely alone that we don’t know what else to do but to give in to despair but the truth is, that feeling of being alone is exactly why we are not alone. We all feel alone and overwhelmed at times, we may not be experiencing the feeling for the same reasons but we still feel it, no one is truly alone in this sentiment.
So next time you feel entirely overwhelmed, stop, take a deep breath, and search for the silver linings. Find ways to keep yourself sane, to focus on yourself, to distract yourself, and to surround yourself with helpful people. Never be afraid to reach out because somewhere someone is or has been going through the same thing.
Keep breathing bras and bros,
The Bra Street Rambler
Keep breathing bras and bros,
The Bra Street Rambler
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