Screw the Taboo

What is a taboo? A taboo is a topic that society has deemed inappropriate to discuss or inquire about. Translation: a taboo is society restricting us from attaining understanding and acceptance regarding things that are not yet considered the status quo.

Taboos were once an aspect of propriety, one did not discuss ones personal affairs with others. If it was not the norm shared by all, it ought not be spoken of because one ought not bother decent people with their shameful secrets. That was then, this is now. Now, we are finding that those things once considered ''shameful secrets'' are actually very commonly shared throughout the population. We now know that discussing these things helps individuals to accept themselves and their circumstances, and that making these conversations the norm helps society as a whole to accept the differences in individuals that add variety and spice to an otherwise dull and cookie cutter life. 

They say you gain wisdom through years of experience but sometimes I find myself wondering if perhaps they have it wrong. I believe that some wisdom is forgotten as we get older. Anyone who has children or has worked with children can confirm that often, children show great wisdom despite their lack of accumulated birthdays. Children are accepting of others and it would seem they are never afraid to ask questions. Not until we teach them to do otherwise do they refrain. Children seem to have no concept of taboos or inquisitive backlash and you will find that because of this, they get much kinder responses to their questions. 

We are often afraid to ask questions because, unlike children, we fear backlash. Backlash that is given out of fear of judgement and the assumption that the questions are coming from a challenging stand point rather than the innocent pursuit of understanding. It becomes a vicious cycle because we are still stuck in our high school mentalities. Think back to those times for a moment. Times when a simple question or comment felt like teasing, like judgement, like a trap. Times where hindsight can now tell you that it was probably meant as a compliment, or that the girl or guy teasing you liked you.  

One time in high school, a guy in my class, we'll call him Joe, asked me if I would go to the dance with another guy in our class, we'll call him Bob. Now, Joe and Bob were sitting at the table behind me in the cafeteria and Joe had shouted the question to me while others snickered and Bob avoided eye contact. It is also important to note that Bob often teased me from the other side of the class room when the teacher wasn't looking, either with facial gestures or largely scrawled signs.  

Now, hindsight allows me to look at this situation and say that Joe probably had not considered the fact that he was making a bit of a scene and that Bob might have genuinely had an interest in the answer given, that all the teasing had been a boys typical reaction to having a crush, but the teenager back then saw only two popular guys surrounded by a lot of snickers asking the decidedly unpopular girl to a dance when she had never been asked to a dance before. The teenage mind of an insecure girl warped the situation into a prank, into a setup that would result in humiliation. 

This is the mentality I mean. We are all so fearful of questions because we do not believe that they could possibly be just that; a simple question intended to gain an answer and understanding.  

Now, as a result of my fearful reaction, Bob may have suffered a bruised ego, in public no less, and an increased fear of rejection that was probably the only reason for Joe having had to ask the question for him in the first place. All the while, had I set aside my fears and low self esteem long enough to consider the question objectively, I might have said yes, gone to the dance with Bob, and had a grand old time.  

What's my point? We have to start looking at questions as being just a question and give answers in a way that is meant to help someone understand rather than attacking them for some imagined slight. We have to ask out of understanding, and answer for the sake of understanding because creating an inviting atmosphere for questions is the only way to destroy taboos.  

My best friend is a very accepting person but he recently confessed to me that he simply doesn't know how to act around society's changes and I understand that point of view. It seems that one slip of the tongue, one outdated no longer politically correct term, can result in becoming enemy number one with some people. It can be difficult to keep up to date on all of the changes occurring around us, who we can ask questions of and who will attack us for our ignorance. However, I believe that we have to stop fearing these reactions and just try to convey to others that we seek only to understand.  

Yes, we may get backlash now and again, but if our questions are asked from a place of sincerity and received with hostility, than that becomes the other persons problem, not ours. We must move on and ask someone else and leave that person to their little world where no one understands them because they refuse to allow anyone the chance to. 

If we set out to take down the barriers, to open the world of communication and understanding, we set out on a mission to create a better society. Last year, my soon to be brother in law embarked on a courageous quest to open the lines of communication for depression. He took it upon himself to hitchhike across Canada and promote awareness on mental health, sharing the story of his own battle with depression with everyone who gave him a ride, and inviting them to ask questions and better understand depression.  

I was so incredibly proud of him because I know that often, people who battle depression are fearful of discussing it with others due to the fact that it can be very difficult to understand the war of emotions and numbness being waged inside. 

I was also proud of another friend who use to do stand up comedy, for mentioning the trials and tribulations of medications for depression in his act. Not only did he admit his own struggles in front of a large room of strangers, but his on stage courage allowed an incredible number of those attending to raise their hands and admit to going through the same.  

You see, taboos are just impairing our ability to relate. They make it so that we feel isolated and alone in this great big world, they make us feel like that which we cannot help or change is something to be ashamed of. Well I don't know about you guys but, I have had enough with my friends and those I care about feeling ashamed, feeling as though they have to hide who they are for fear that people will not understand, for fear that they will not be accepted.  

I invite you all to stand up for acceptance, to ask questions for the sake of understanding, to make it clear to all those around you that you care to work towards a taboo free society where no one need ever be afraid of asking questions or reaching out.  

Do you have a story about how taboos have influenced your life? Is there a specific taboo that really grinds your gears? Let me know in the comments below or email me at thebrastreetrambler@gmail.com

Cheers!

The Bra Street Rambler

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